Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
