He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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