Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
