i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
