More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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