her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
