the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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