Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
