Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
