He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
