do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
