Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I CAN MOONWALK!
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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