i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
