the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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