M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He shit in the fireplace
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
