the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
My penis needs a shock collar
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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