question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize