I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
