I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
