Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
