you mean i was at the winter classic?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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