So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize