Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
