I wish I only lived at night.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
