Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
