More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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