had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
