i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
