just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
