oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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