East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
