Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
