Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
