When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
