Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
