why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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