Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
