Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
