mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
