my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I woke up under a house in Key West
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