it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
