As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
