And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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