Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
