Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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