I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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