I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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