I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
