I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize