I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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