I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize