Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
