I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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