life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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