remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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