is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
