I cannot find my penis.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
