so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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