This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You ate ashes out of my bong
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
