gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
