Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
