...so i touched it.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize