yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize