Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
