You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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