why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
