I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
MIDGETS
????
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
