I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
