Pants 0. Shit 1.
Buhtt sex?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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