return my video game
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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