I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
