so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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