I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize