mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
