How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
