dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
